I want to find love

January 3, 3.03am

"The love I've been jealous of" - Racheal Grae

Dear God,

I know it's been a while but let's start on a "high" note.

I was watching a Tiktok and I came when I came across this question "Can you imagine him zipping up the back of your dress before you went out? That's your answer". I just kept scrolling and in the next second it occurred to me. I had not even paused at all after reading that. You might be wondering why this is relevant. Well...this was the first time that I didn't think about any particular person. This was the first time that I read something this "dreamy" and had not inserted some male into the picture. When everything registered in my brain, I can quite explain how I felt. I wasn't stupidly or madly obsessed with anyone. This was new and till now I don't know how it makes me feel.

For as long as I can remember, I've always "been in love" with someone. I am not good at not feeling so I always pick the victims to my craziness very carefully. But it feels like there's no one left for me to subject this to expect and it kind of saddens me.

Like any other person, I want love. I long for it, I dream about it. Have I felt it before? Yes. It came and left all too quickly that I didn't have enough time to soak it in.

So, I am Incon and I am turning 19 this year. I want to really be in love. However, may Your will be done.

With love,

Incon ❤️